Tag Archives: Bikini

Just When You Think You Can’t, Remember Your WHY

So this week, I was supposed to write Part II of taking pride in yourself. Here’s the dealio… Not gonna happen this week. I feel that there is a much more important thing to address:


Ever since my last relationship, I have been up and down with this, never really being able to stay consistent and dedicated; struggling with being able to practice what I preach so much to everyone about.

The past couple of weeks have been somewhat of a hell, not like in a bad bad way, just an accumulation of so much anxiety. Being in San Diego by myself, being 2,539 miles away from my family, has been a struggle for me. I LOVE San Diego. My heart has been stolen by San Diego, but for a girl who grew up at home, close to family up until the age of 24, this is the farthest I’ve ever lived away from them.

Last week, I felt hopeless as I get a message via text on my phone that merely said, “The ambulance is here” by my brother. My current family situation has me living across the country, my dad working in Arkansas, and my mother, brother, and sister-in-law living in Florida. I felt helpless as they took my mom to the ER for, what I feared, was a heart attack. Even though it wasn’t that serious and she was sent home that evening just fine, I felt helpless. I hate feeling helpless. Anxiety #1.

Then there’s been my social life. I’ve been extremely picky with men since my last relationship and I finally put myself out there to this guy I’d been talking to and hanging out with a couple times that I liked him and wanted to get to know him better, and he turns me down… well tells me he wants to take it easy right now. I have no idea where his head is at, but rejection sucks. It took a lot out of me to be even that honest with him, let alone myself, that I was actually ready to move on. But now, I get to let my mind overthink everything. Anxiety #2.

Then there’s finances… and work… and my dog. I feel like I never have enough money or enough time to do anything I really want or need to do. Anxieties #3, #4, and #5.

All the anxiety leads to lazy days. Sad days. Days where I don’t want to eat, I don’t want to go to the gym. They suck. Yesterday was one of them. All I wanted to do was sleep.

Here’s point one of my post this week:

  • Even the best of us deal with things like anxiety and/or depression. I had someone tell me one time that it was just something I could control. Do you honestly think I haven’t tried? What I’m trying to say is, it’s totally normal. Some days are better than others, but it DOES NOT mean that things are impossible, it just means that sometimes you need to work just a little bit harder. But don’t let it discourage you.

So this morning, I received a text from an old high school friend of mine. We speak every now and again and he is the only person I have legitimately kept in contact with since high school. Long story short, I told him I was struggling, having a hard time staying motivated, and this is what he says to me:


It was in THAT moment, the moment I read it, that I felt anew. I put aside everything that had been weighing down on me, in that one moment, the moment I realized again my fire, my purpose, my passion, my WHY.

Which leads to my second point:

  • Surround yourself with those that lift you up. Surround yourself with people who are positive and uplifting, who would never do anything to hold you back and help you realize your true potential. And as an individual, make sure that you are one of those people too. Make sure you are someone who lifts others up and EMPOWERS them instead of tearing them down or apart. Kind words and positive spirits serve as some of the most POWERFUL motivation.

And point numero tres:

  • Remember your WHY. Why you do what you do. It doesn’t have to be fitness related. It could be why you do the job you do, why you’re in school, or why you go to church every Sunday. Just remind yourself everyday that you have a purpose and a reason. Everyone’s WHY is different. No two are the same and that is your truth. Own it and follow through with it.

Now that I’ve got that out of the way, yesterday I posted my weekly check-in on Instagram (@_victoriafit_).


“This week has been shitty. Worked four 12 hour days in a row. Ate shitty fast food and I could never be any more ready for the weekend and getting back on track than I am now. I am actually surprised by my numbers this week. Body fat percentage is up, obviously, but I DID  put on 1.5ish pounds of lean mass this week. No idea how as I’ve only worked out maybe 3 times this week. Why am I telling you this? Because it’s real life. As I have said many times before, we all have a life to live and things get in the way. We all aren’t a 100% on our diets every week, and we aren’t constantly in the gym 7 days a week. A lot of us have jobs we need to do to make a living and sometimes we can’t be a 100%. But that doesn’t serve as an excuse to give up and to say that it can’t be done. Just because I had a shitty week, doesn’t mean that I’m done trying to achieve my goals. I just have to get back into my niche. I need to find what works for me, just as you need to find what works for you.”

Current Stats (as of yesterday morning):

▫Weight: 123.2 lbs (55.883 kg) [⬆ from 120.6 lbs]
▫Waist: 69.0 cm (27.165 in) [⬆ from 67.5 cm]
▫Hips: 83.5 cm (32.874 in) [⬇ from 84.5 cm]
▫Legs: 53.0 cm each leg (20.866 in) [⬆ from 52.0 cm]
▫Body fat: 17.6% (21.6 lbs fat mass, 101.4 lbs lean mass)
➡ Last week: 16.9% (2o.3 lbs fat mass, 99.7 lbs lean mass)

Don’t worry, next week I will most definitely have part II up for you. Just felt like I needed to do something thanking this week for everyone who has been so supportive and has continued to push me to fulfill my full potential, to help me remember why I do what I do.




Overall Health and Fitness


Being a nurse, I have come across so many people who have conditions that are easily treated and/or managed through physical activity and a healthy diet: diabetes, heart disease, stroke, high cholesterol, anxiety, depression.

The benefits of physical fitness and clean eating extends far beyond that of weight management. You could read hours and hours of research and studies showing that regular physical activity helps improve overall health and wellness. In the end, improving overall quality of life.

The most obvious effect is that of weight loss. Obesity increases the risk of those previously mentioned diseases and conditions. The reduction of fat helps preserve muscle mass and improving the body’s ability to properly use calories. With proper diet, this helps control weight and prevent obesity, which is ultimately, again, a MAJOR risk factor for many diseases.


For example, daily physical activity helps reduce your risk for heart disease and stroke, peripheral vascular disease (a blood circulation disorder that causes the blood vessels outside of your heart and brain to narrow, block, or spasm), and high blood pressure by strengthening your heart muscle and improving blood flow.

Not only does regular physical activity help with physical health, but it also helps with mental health. Personally, I have struggled with anxiety and depression for years. A lot of it boiling down to relationship issues and never really feeling like I fit in, especially when in high school. Fitness was something I learned to turn to. When I was in college, I started my fitness journey. At first it was because I just wanted something to do. As the years progressed, it became more than that. It became more about personal therapy: better confidence, motivation to improve on myself, motivation to be a better person than I was yesterday. My self-esteem improved. I had better control over my anxiety and the severity of my depression became a thing of the past. Granted, I still suffer from the occasional depressive mood swings, my quality of life is SO much better than it was before.


I never thought in a million years that I would step on stage in a tiny, little, blinged-out bikini in front of hundreds of people  and place 5th all on my own! I was never one to be the center of attention with all eyes on me.


So taking a step back, often, with chronic medical conditions, there exists stress and therefore, many people develop comorbidities such as depression and anxiety. As talked about in a previous post, regular physical activity has been shown in countless studies to help elevate mood and improve the way that you look at yourself, thus helping to manage stress and reduce anxiety and depression. I have also seen fitness and physical activity do SO much for those who also suffer from eating disorders such as anorexia or bulimia.

There are no limits to what encompasses physical activity. Whether you walk every morning for thirty minutes or are in the gym seven days a week prepping for a bodybuilding competition, the euphoric feeling you get from accomplishment and achievement is indescribable. That, on top of having more energy, watching lab values improve, and knowing you are improving your quality of life, and likely your longevity in life, makes the journey so much better!

As I had mentioned previously, I set a goal for myself this year to check-in every week and keep everyone updated on my progress. I am planning to start competing again this year, hopefully by July, no later than August. So in case you didn’t know, I had previously mentioned that I was going to post my stats every Sunday showing my progress through 2017 with my primary focus being on greatly improving my leg/booty mass.

Here are this weeks stats:


▫Weight: 120.7 lbs (54.749 kg) [unchanged]
▫Waist: 68.5 cm (26.969 in) [⬇from 69.5 cm]
▫Hips: 86.5 cm (34.055 in) [⬇from 87.0 cm]
▫Legs: 53.0 cm each leg (20.866 in) [⬆from 52.0 cm]
▫Body fat: 16.9% (20.3 lbs fat mass, 99.7 lbs lean mass)
➡ Last week: 18.2% (21.8 lbs fat mass, 98.2 lbs lean mass)

Keep in mind that a lot of the drastic changes in these numbers are due to a cleaned up diet with a side order of loss of water weight and body fat. Even slow progress is progress and with a newly improved mindset, I have big plans for this year and no one or nothing is going to stand in my way! It’s game on!

To Compete or Not to Compete?

That is the ultimate question.

So about 10 weeks ago, I decided to start prepping for my 3rd competition in Orlando. About 5 weeks out from showtime, I was told that the show was cancelled, BUT that there was a show in Jacksonville a week later. Okay… So that gives me an extra week to prep, right?

Well, yes, essentially it does. So my mindset changed and it’s funny how everything started clashing. My diet was way off point; not because I wasn’t disciplined, but because life started getting in my way with my work schedule, personal social issues, and above all my motivation to grind. It has gotten to the point where I look at myself in the mirror and I am NOWHERE where I would like to be this close to the stage.

2015-11-22 11.49.05
Left: January 2016      –>      Right: September 2014

To some, it may look the same. To others, they may see an improvement. Here’s what I see. I do see a change and an improvement. I’m damn proud of it. What I DON’T like is that it took me over a year to make such a small improvement. Now I know change doesn’t happen overnight. Trust me, I preach that. But I’ve been working my ass off to improve my legs and my glutes and I want more than what I see. Make sense?

Let me tell you what I’m saying here. What I’m saying here is, long story short, I’m not competing again anytime soon. “Why?!” most people might ask, “You look great!”

Thank you, but competing isn’t all about looking good on stage. Well, it is, but it’s more than that to me. Competing in the fitness industry, to me, is also about your mentality. If I am to step on that stage, it is to show everyone watching all the hard work I’ve put into what I’m promoting up there. If I walk up there with anything less than the last time, what exactly am I proving? What am I proving to myself?

I am way too competitive for that. So I am starting fresh. I am adjusting my focus and mentality. I know exactly what I need to work on and what I need to do to make sure that the next package that I bring on stage is the best one I have to offer. At that point, even if I don’t place or win, I know that I gave it my all and brought the best I had at that point, then just work harder to make it even better for the next one.

I have goals this year:

  • I would love to go pro. I had the opportunity to become nationally qualified at the Winter Classic in Ft. Lauderdale in December last year. I placed 5th. I was so damn proud of that. Come to find that the national qualification status of the competition had been revoked because it was a brand new show. FML. Really. But that’s okay. I self coached for that show in 11 weeks. I learned a lot about my body and how it responds to certain foods and exercises and routines. And I still placed 5th. With a few adjustments, I think this whole pro thing is doable by the end of 2016.
  • My modeling career. I have always wanted to model for big names like Nike or Adidas. I just recently this year started picking up more modeling gigs to strengthen my portfolio.
Photog: Passio Boudoir / Passio Photography   MUA: BreaunieMUA  Local: The Vue – Orlando
  • Move out to Los Angeles. As mentioned above, I am planning my next contract (I am a travel nurse) in and around the Los Angeles area. I feel that this is a HUGE leap in the right direction to advance my fitness career.
  • Personal training. I am hoping that around Fall I will will be able to start offering online training and meal plans. I will be working towards my personal training certification and developing programs to fit all types of needs: home, gym, outdoor. I will be working with a good friend of mine to make motivational and workout videos, blogs, v-logs, easy to access and affordable workout and meal plans, and taking you all on a journey to creating your own success in living a healthy life.
  • Personal development. My body is forever changing. I have a huge goal to greatly improve on my legs and glutes before my next competition. I don’t know when that nexy competition will be, but here are a few potentials:

  1. April 23 – Diamond Classic – National Qualifier – Boca Raton, FL
  2. April 29-30 – IFBB/NPC Europa Show of Champions – National Qualifier – Orlando, FL
  3. June 11 – Jon Linsay’s Southern California Championship – National Qualifier – San Diego, CA
  4. August 13 – Orange County Muscle Classic – Culver City, CA
  5. September 24 – Ruby Championships – National Qualifier – Boca Raton, FL
  6. October 1 – Daytona Beach Classic – Open Nationwide – Daytona Beach, FL
  7. October 8 – Southeastern USA – National Qualifier – Orlando,FL
  8. October 15 – Champions Cup – Open Nationwide – Steroid Tested – Qualifier for Team Universe – Orlando, FL
  9. December 3 – IFBB/NPC Winter Classic – National-Qualifier – Ft. Lauderdale, FL

So reasoning behind going back and forth between California and Florida (being that they are on two completely opposite sides of the country) is for family. I can come visit AND compete. I plan on having a very busy competition season and year in general.

If you’re wanting to get involved and/or follow me on this journey, you can:

Snapchat: vfit24
Facebook: vmcmurrain
Twitter: vmcmurrain24
E-mail: victoriafit24@gmail.com
YouTube (still a work in progress): Here

A lot of things in store for this year and I can’t wait to share it with you all. I have a great feeling about things to come. Let’s go on this journey together, shall we?!