To Compete or Not to Compete?

That is the ultimate question.

So about 10 weeks ago, I decided to start prepping for my 3rd competition in Orlando. About 5 weeks out from showtime, I was told that the show was cancelled, BUT that there was a show in Jacksonville a week later. Okay… So that gives me an extra week to prep, right?

Well, yes, essentially it does. So my mindset changed and it’s funny how everything started clashing. My diet was way off point; not because I wasn’t disciplined, but because life started getting in my way with my work schedule, personal social issues, and above all my motivation to grind. It has gotten to the point where I look at myself in the mirror and I am NOWHERE where I would like to be this close to the stage.

2015-11-22 11.49.05
Left: January 2016      –>      Right: September 2014

To some, it may look the same. To others, they may see an improvement. Here’s what I see. I do see a change and an improvement. I’m damn proud of it. What I DON’T like is that it took me over a year to make such a small improvement. Now I know change doesn’t happen overnight. Trust me, I preach that. But I’ve been working my ass off to improve my legs and my glutes and I want more than what I see. Make sense?

Let me tell you what I’m saying here. What I’m saying here is, long story short, I’m not competing again anytime soon. “Why?!” most people might ask, “You look great!”

Thank you, but competing isn’t all about looking good on stage. Well, it is, but it’s more than that to me. Competing in the fitness industry, to me, is also about your mentality. If I am to step on that stage, it is to show everyone watching all the hard work I’ve put into what I’m promoting up there. If I walk up there with anything less than the last time, what exactly am I proving? What am I proving to myself?

I am way too competitive for that. So I am starting fresh. I am adjusting my focus and mentality. I know exactly what I need to work on and what I need to do to make sure that the next package that I bring on stage is the best one I have to offer. At that point, even if I don’t place or win, I know that I gave it my all and brought the best I had at that point, then just work harder to make it even better for the next one.

I have goals this year:

  • I would love to go pro. I had the opportunity to become nationally qualified at the Winter Classic in Ft. Lauderdale in December last year. I placed 5th. I was so damn proud of that. Come to find that the national qualification status of the competition had been revoked because it was a brand new show. FML. Really. But that’s okay. I self coached for that show in 11 weeks. I learned a lot about my body and how it responds to certain foods and exercises and routines. And I still placed 5th. With a few adjustments, I think this whole pro thing is doable by the end of 2016.
  • My modeling career. I have always wanted to model for big names like Nike or Adidas. I just recently this year started picking up more modeling gigs to strengthen my portfolio.
Photog: Passio Boudoir / Passio Photography   MUA: BreaunieMUA  Local: The Vue – Orlando
  • Move out to Los Angeles. As mentioned above, I am planning my next contract (I am a travel nurse) in and around the Los Angeles area. I feel that this is a HUGE leap in the right direction to advance my fitness career.
  • Personal training. I am hoping that around Fall I will will be able to start offering online training and meal plans. I will be working towards my personal training certification and developing programs to fit all types of needs: home, gym, outdoor. I will be working with a good friend of mine to make motivational and workout videos, blogs, v-logs, easy to access and affordable workout and meal plans, and taking you all on a journey to creating your own success in living a healthy life.
  • Personal development. My body is forever changing. I have a huge goal to greatly improve on my legs and glutes before my next competition. I don’t know when that nexy competition will be, but here are a few potentials:

  1. April 23 – Diamond Classic – National Qualifier – Boca Raton, FL
  2. April 29-30 – IFBB/NPC Europa Show of Champions – National Qualifier – Orlando, FL
  3. June 11 – Jon Linsay’s Southern California Championship – National Qualifier – San Diego, CA
  4. August 13 – Orange County Muscle Classic – Culver City, CA
  5. September 24 – Ruby Championships – National Qualifier – Boca Raton, FL
  6. October 1 – Daytona Beach Classic – Open Nationwide – Daytona Beach, FL
  7. October 8 – Southeastern USA – National Qualifier – Orlando,FL
  8. October 15 – Champions Cup – Open Nationwide – Steroid Tested – Qualifier for Team Universe – Orlando, FL
  9. December 3 – IFBB/NPC Winter Classic – National-Qualifier – Ft. Lauderdale, FL

So reasoning behind going back and forth between California and Florida (being that they are on two completely opposite sides of the country) is for family. I can come visit AND compete. I plan on having a very busy competition season and year in general.

If you’re wanting to get involved and/or follow me on this journey, you can:

Snapchat: vfit24
Facebook: vmcmurrain
Twitter: vmcmurrain24
YouTube (still a work in progress): Here

A lot of things in store for this year and I can’t wait to share it with you all. I have a great feeling about things to come. Let’s go on this journey together, shall we?!


Perception is Reality

I’ve recently over the past couple of months struggled with myself and to be honest with you, I honestly could not put my finger on what it was. And to be even more honest with you, I’ve been struggling with this same issue on and off for as long as I can remember.

As of recently, over the past couple of weeks, I have come across someone who sees the world a little bit differently than I do, actually, differently than I’d say about 98% of the people on this planet. It’s actually beautiful the way he does. Since I’ve met him, he’s done something for me that no other person in my life has done for me. He’s made me think. He’s challenged me. And I don’t mean think about like life and what I want to do with it. I’ve got that under control. Since I’ve met him, he has constantly challenged me to look at life and what I do from a different perspective and this time, for once, he made me think about myself.

The other night, we had one of our deep conversations… well really, it was him talking mostly, and me just listening. I just love listening to him talk. Anyway… so he’s talking about his music and his passion for the art of music. He’s talking about it as he always does, with such divine passion and confidence. I’m not just talking lyrically as in the poetic structures of the words, I’m talking the poetry and the fluidity of the music behind them. So he’s going on and on as I sit there in awe, just listening away, throwing in my occasional, pointless comments and he throws this curve-ball: “What about you?”.

Wait… What? What about me? Can’t I just listen to you talk some more? Please?

“What is it about you that makes you, you?”

So of course, my first go-to was being a nurse. Caring for people. It’s always been what I’ve done. I take care of others. He tells me “No” and that’s not what he meant. He goes deeper into the question and asks me if there is anything about me, something I could talk about for hours, do for hours, escape to for hours at a time, that has nothing to do with the world around me… Just something that is for me and only me… That makes me who I am; something maybe in my past that influenced a certain something to spark and become a passion.


“I don’t know.”

No one has ever asked me a question like that before. I’ve taken care of people a huge majority of my life. I didn’t miss a year of school. I went straight from high school to college, got my associate’s degree and then when straight into my bachelor’s and have since been involved in my career. I lived 24 of the first 25 years of my life with my parents. I’ve only ever been in 4 serious relationships. I was a sheltered child. Only recently have I started to explore new things (i.e. modeling, npc competitions, personal training, traveling, etc.), but honestly, I’ve never really experienced anything to really say that I had a sole passion for something that ignited my soul without touching the lives of others as music has done for this friend of mine.

He made me THINK. He challenged me. For once, he made me stop and sit and think about myself for a change. Look at MYSELF from and different PERSPECTIVE. It’s been a couple days and I’m STILL thinking. Honestly, I still don’t know how to properly answer his question.

I think that’s been my missing link, however. The one thing that’s been missing in my life and the one thing that has been the true meaning behind my struggles for the past several years…. Not having a true sense of myself. Not knowing who I am. I’ve been creating this persona of who I THINK I might be, but the truth and REALITY is that I’ve never really known.

But it was his question that has brought me back here, to this blog, to writing. I’ve always been the type of person who expresses myself better through words on paper (or in this case on a computer screen) than I ever have been able to do in person; whether it be in poetry, stories, music lyrics, novels, blogs, prayer books, etc. I just find it easier for me to release everything through the written word.

Maybe that’s the answer to his question? Still. I don’t know… But I want to find out.

So now you may be asking me, so what is the point of this blog post?

Well, to do as his question did to me. Make you think. We constantly perceive ourselves from the same damn angle EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. We run on autopilot, follow the same damn routine… stop it and change it. Change your perspective and it will change your reality. Don’t like where your life is right now, change it. Only you can. This person that asked me this question has changed my perspective on myself and therefore has allowed for a change to my reality. A reality that has been my source of struggle for years.

So that’s the point. Look at yourself a little differently. What makes you who YOU are? What drives you? What is your escape?